Are you building said plane on a plain in Spain in the rain?

Are you insane?

Dear PAUL, i have never been to SPAIN, so the answer would have to be no

You ask " AM I INSANE " Well let me explain.

A few years ago while at a HOCKY game between the HURRICANES and DUCKS i was hit in the head by a puck going MACH 2
( of course mach 2 is only a figure of speech because if the punk was really traveling at mach 2 than i would be dead.)

After my head exploded in pain and agony i woke up in BELLEVUE mental hospital. The large impact with my head activated a portion of brain rarely used. The newly activated portion of brain allows me to hear voices, i believe those voices are the ability of my brain to intercept GOVERNMENT email and texts that are about me.

In addition i can now see the invisible government vehicles that are following me, like the invisible DRONES, SUVS AND HELICOPTERS, in additions to the ones that are visible.

DO YOU THINK THAT IF I GOT WACKED ALONG THE SIDE OF THE HEAD AGAIN THAT MAYBE I MIGHT GO BACK TO BEING NORMAL?

If i install 4x8 sheets of aluminum 3/8 thick over all my drywall will that help?

Davy, I found a cure! Bad news is... The secret recipe is on the cd on womans hair. And as you can see it is heavily guarded.



I hope this helps.

Congratulations Davy, you passed the test.

I may need some further explanation on your injuries. I'm not quite sure what a hocky punk is, but I'm really sorry somebody hit you with one.

I would be negligent in my duties if I failed to point out that despite your fondness for CAPITALIZATION, you consistently fail to do so with "I" when referring to yourself.

CONGRADULATIONS PARROT, you passed the test.

I was wondering if you were going to notice and correct me. You have restored my faith PROFESSOR PARROTHEAD.

A HOCKY PUCK IS A LITTLE ROUND DISC OF HARD VULCANIZED RUBBER THAT IS USED IN HOCKEY GAMES.

The players take pratice hitting the punk with their stick before they use their sticks on each other duing a hockey fight.

Someday we should get together and I will explain the art of HOCKEY to you.

Unfortunately I saw that you live in SOUTH CAROLINA. You have a HOCKEY TEAM but its not like a real HOCKY team. If you ever get a chance go see the ANAHEIM MIGHTY DUCKS to see what a real HOCKY team is like.

Mr. Crockett,

We here in North Carolina have a hockey team and we always spell it with an "E".

I am relieved you did not take my previous post as ridicule. I truly am only trying to improve your ability to write properly, communicate effectively and be clearly understood.

Capitalization is very important in written communication. For example, the use of proper capitalization in the following sentences can make an enormous difference.

I saw you help your Uncle Jack off his horse.

Or

I saw you help your uncle jack off his horse.

I hope this clarifies things for you.

Now back to hockey. I sincerely hope we can come together one day and share our mutual company at the unfortunate defeat of your ducklings by my courageous 'Canes!

NOW THAT IS FUNNY.

I don't even have a comeback for that one. VERY GOOD. FUNNIEST POST OF WEEK.

Hocky, hockey, what ever... Tuomo Ruutu, Rasmus Rissanen, Saku Koivu, Teemu Selänne and Sami Vatanen are going to make all the goals.

ParrotHead wrote: I saw you help your Uncle Jack off his horse.

Or

I saw you help your uncle jack off his horse.

My friend who is native English speaker made nice mess by forgotting one "a" from sentence. He said:

Tapan sinut huomenna.

When he tried to say say:

Tapaan sinut huomenna.

So when he tried to say "I will meet you tomorrow." he said "I'm going to kill you tomorrow."

Ruutu is on my jersey! He's one tough customer. I saw his first game with the Canes. Took a high stick to the face. A couple dozen stitches later he was back on the ice. Been a huge fan ever since.

All over Raleigh, you will see t-shirts that say "We ain't booing, we're RUUTUUUING!"

Class is back in session? Well I have never been to Spain, but I do kinda like the music and I bought my lady a chain made from some if the finest silver which can be found in that area. Cultural diversity. I love it!!

Why is it that I am constantly reminding everyone which class this is? Maybe I should have Mr. Whiplash's class make me a snazzy banner to hang out front. I do enjoy finger paints!

Mr. BTJ,
SOC204 - Cultural Diversity - A Failed Social Experiment is only offered during the summer session as other actual meaningful classes are held throughout the rest of the year. Professor Biggs is in charge of that class provided more than half a student actually signs up next time it is offered. Please see him about Pre-registration.

Now for the serious English students, I have compiled a list of fail-proof rules for the class. Please read and strict adhere to the following:

1. Avoid Alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren't necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. Profanity sucks.
15. Be more or less specific.
16. Understatement is always best.
17. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
18. One word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
21. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
22. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
23. Who needs rhetorical questions?
24. Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.
25. It behooves you to avoid archaic expressions.
26. Avoid archaeic spellings too.
27. Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
28. Don't use commas, that, are not, necessary.
29. Do not use hyperbole; not one in a million can do it effectively.
30. Never use a big word when a diminutive alternative would suffice.
31. Subject and verb always has to agree.
32. Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.
33. Use youre spell chekker to avoid mispeling and to catch typograhpical errers.
34. Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
35. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
36. Don't never use no double negatives.
37. Poofread carefully to see if you any words out.
38. Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
39. Eschew obfuscation.
40. No sentence fragments.
41. Don't indulge in sesquipedalian lexicological constructions.
42. A writer must not shift your point of view.
43. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
44. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
46. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
47. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
48. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
49. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
50. Always pick on the correct idiom.
51. The adverb always follows the verb.
52. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
53. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be by rereading and editing.
And finally...
54. Always be sure to finish what

Prof PH:

I have been following your class and was pretty impressed that I could keep up. But this last class on these numbers followed by the statements has me completely kerfuddled.

Let's just start at #1 and go all the way down to #54. Huh?

Is this English 101 or is this English 860 post Ph.D?

Will there be a test on this? Will we be quizzed on this before the test? Can I get a Tutor(preferably the Red Baroness)?

Yes, Mr. YOD4, this is Eng101... For DogFight. Our standards here are high (and seldom met). I will always strive to improve the quality of written communication on the forum. It is my solemn duty as a self-appointed educator of the community. Proper grammar is the cornerstone of our civilization. Without it, there would be utter chaos!

^{(For the record, I believe none of this. I was just tired of the closet getting bombed.)}

As with my example I provided Mr. Crockett, simple things like proper capitalization make a difference. Ask his uncle.

Let me provide you with another example.

"Let's eat Grandma"

"Let's eat, Grandma"

Notice the punctuation difference? It could save lives!

Dere parrothead could you please simplify your rules i aint that smart and you have several complicated word that i aint known nothing about i am very set in the words i do know like aint triailer and busted for examples.

Is the following statement properly written:

"There" is no better place than "here" when your "here" has become a "there" you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better then " here "

Thank you your affectionate student davy

Except for some minor your/you're confusion and superfluous use of quotations marks, it's wonderful Davy.

Thank you for demonstrating that I am making a difference.

I can simplify the rules. How high can you count without removing your shoes? This also includes shoes of anyone else in your company. The corresponding number his the highest rule you have to follow.

Davy Crockett wrote: Dere parrothead could you please simplify your rules i aint that smart and you have several complicated word that i aint known nothing about i am very set in the words i do know like aint triailer and busted for examples.

Is the following statement properly written:

"There" is no better place than "here" when your "here" has become a "there" you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better then " here "

Thank you your affectionate student davy

For the rest of the class, please note that in some cases we have to "differentiate" and make modifications so that everyone can be successful. Everyone gets a trophy!

I can count to ten, 20 with my toes. 21 if need be.

I recommend passing Davy, hes better than most of the people at my school! And in this class we don't learn any of that mushy what -is- the-sybolism-is-the-curtains-are-blue crap right?

Mr. C,

I would expect you to know this! If the curtains are blue, they're friendly! Red... Not so much.

Huh, what does blue curtains have to do with class, or red, now you have me confused again, i understand the red/blue airplane concept of dogfight. I've never had a unfriendly curtain either red or blue . Im crying again.

What do i do if i see an unfriendly curtain, stab it. Im certainly good at stabbing. Should I hug a blue curtain.

What if I see a curtain that is red and blue. Does that mean it can go either way? I've never seen a gay curtain. I am sooooo confused, please help.

ParrotHead wrote: Why is it that I am constantly reminding everyone which class this is? Maybe I should have Mr. Whiplash's class make me a snazzy banner to hang out front. I do enjoy finger paints!

Mr. BTJ,
SOC204 - Cultural Diversity - A Failed Social Experiment is only offered during the summer session as other actual meaningful classes are held throughout the rest of the year. Professor Biggs is in charge of that class provided more than half a student actually signs up next time it is offered. Please see him about Pre-registration.

Now for the serious English students, I have compiled a list of fail-proof rules for the class. Please read and strict adhere to the following:

1. Avoid Alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren't necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. Profanity sucks.
15. Be more or less specific.
16. Understatement is always best.
17. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
18. One word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
21. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
22. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
23. Who needs rhetorical questions?
24. Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.
25. It behooves you to avoid archaic expressions.
26. Avoid archaeic spellings too.
27. Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
28. Don't use commas, that, are not, necessary.
29. Do not use hyperbole; not one in a million can do it effectively.
30. Never use a big word when a diminutive alternative would suffice.
31. Subject and verb always has to agree.
32. Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.
33. Use youre spell chekker to avoid mispeling and to catch typograhpical errers.
34. Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
35. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
36. Don't never use no double negatives.
37. Poofread carefully to see if you any words out.
38. Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
39. Eschew obfuscation.
40. No sentence fragments.
41. Don't indulge in sesquipedalian lexicological constructions.
42. A writer must not shift your point of view.
43. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
44. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
46. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
47. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
48. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
49. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
50. Always pick on the correct idiom.
51. The adverb always follows the verb.
52. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
53. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be by rereading and editing.
And finally...
54. Always be sure to finish what

Your list seems to be a bit... verbose.

Davy Crockett wrote: I can count to ten, 20 with my toes. 21 if need be.

21? 20 and 1/64ths maybe. Now I had my butt chewed when I mentioned math in this class. I guess Davy is the teachers pet.

BTJ! This is your last warning. No more math, please!

Parrothead, I was reviewing the hockey fan thread and it appears that I will need to teach the Advanced Dogfight English Class....there is a big misunderstanding in the spelling of many of the hockey terms. Some pilots are unaware and think that just because the words are spelled different that they are not the same when in fact they are the same.

Here goes Advanced Dogfight English Class by Swop

Parrothead here is Advanced English Spelling Class 601:


Defenceman and Defenseman are the same thing.

just like Centre vs Center

and Programme vs program

Here is the lesson as to why there is a difference from my English lesson and it appears that I will be the Dogfight English teacher for the Advanced Dogfight English Class:

www.livescience.com/33844-british-american-word-spelling.htm

I want to personally thank Noah Webster for this standardization....long live center, program, defense and defenseman

Dear PROFESSOR PARROT.

The best teacher ever. THANK YOU ever so much for your loyal instruction into the art if the ENGLISH language.
I sincerely hope that my improvement pleases you my dear teacher. I feel that I have made great strides in my education.
I hope that I have made you happy.

Now I am sorry to report but i have a major problem with MR. BT J582. I am crying my eyes out as we speak. MR. BT is calling me a TEACHERS PET. He is now bullying me. He is teasing me relentlessly.

MR.BT says that if I don't send or transfer 100,000 of my coins and my lunch money then he will beat me up and shoot me down if and when he catches me in the sky's when I am alone. I am now scared to enter a game for fear of him finding me alone.

WHY TEACHER DOES HE CALL ME A TEACHERS PET?
AM I A TEACHERS PET?

Also dear MR. PARROT you did not explain my questions on the curtains. Would you please clarify my questions.

VERY AFFECTIONATELY (and I do mean affectionately) YOURS.

HOPEFULLY YOUR FAVORITE STUDENT,

DAVY CROCKETT

Well...

BT....ur onto something....It appears that the teachers and the pets, some of which are hockey fans, didn't attend my Advanced Dogfight English Class. The English teachers, who are hockey fans, need to learn the nuances of the English language for a better appreciation of the game of hockey. This understanding also helps them to become an even better English teacher than they otherwise are. This lack of explanation in the spelling of hockey terms leads students away from the game of hockey and the complexities in the English language as well.

hahahahaha jk

Mr. Crockett,

You are certainly a student that I enjoy teaching. However, to maintain fairness I couldn't possible declare anyone (psst it is you, really) as my favorite. (Thank you for the cake and generous donation got the "supplies" fund.). Also please tell your mother it is time for another teacher/parent conference. Please do not be alarmed it is completely routine.

Mr. BTJ shouldn't concern you. He's obviously trying to obfuscate his own shortcomings in the class. As far as his threats to attack you in game, please disregard. He couldn't hit the ground if he crashed into it. This is fact, I've seen his pictures of the tan abyss.

As an announcement to the entire class, Mr. Zandorhawke, professor of history and head of security, has asked me to inform you that there is a disgruntled former custodian on campus. He has been relieved of his duties, but ran away when asked for his security pass. Unfortunately, this means he still has access to all of the building on campus. There has been reports of him posing as, if you can believe this, an English professor. I mean, really!?!? As if this school could possibly need another expert in English with me around!

Please make sure to call campus authorities if you have any information leading to his arrest and conviction. I personally will be offering extra credit points as an award to anyone assisting. I've been given a description that was not very helpful other than the fact that he has an obvious hump on his back.

Thank you.

PARROT, sorry my mom has to cancel the parent/teacher conference. She is leaving Friday for the whole weekend to go visit a sick aunt in NEVADA.

I did not even know i had a aunt in LAS VEGAS. I learn something new each and every day.

I hear you are also going out of town this weekend. I hope you have a very good time. Is your wife going with you?
Is this some sort of teacher convention you are going to?

Very affectionally your. D.C.

Oh come on Mr. Parrot! I have on more than one occasion hit the ground. Granted it is usually on my own two feet after bailing from my fiery plane but I land on the ground none-the-less. I look at my skills at flying the same as a duck out of water. Not natural so I do prefer to be on the ground. (Bad analogy and metaphor use?) as for the pics of me in the abyss, that is a self made representation of how I felt after I read Camu's "The Stranger". My art teacher, Whip, was very pleased as well as our philosophy teacher Pluribus. Get to know the staff how about it!! As for Davy well not much more I can say. Maybe he should have another session with Mantz.